The Isolating Illness

I'm almost certain that everyone living with an illness feels isolated from everyone else at some stage, especially if you're the only one in your family or friendship circle with it. I often battle with this, sometimes on a daily basis, sometimes once in a blue moon, but it still happens even though I've had Crohn's now for about 7 years.

A few months ago I experience a "minor" flare-up, which had me off work for 8 weeks. It was pretty devastating, more so because I'd started my new job as a Copywriter a few months before. I felt awful to say the least. I'd go as far as saying I felt like a failure because I couldn't keep this invisible illness in check. But what I kept forgetting during those moments of beating myself up was that it wasn't the end of the road for me. Yes I had to take time off work in order to get better, but my job was still there. I also may have been on bed rest for what felt like 10 years, but what was I really missing out on? The commute to work? Seeing friends? Seeing family? Of which both friends and family rallied round me as much as they could so that I wasn't "alone".

It was a difficult time. It's always a difficult time when you're in constant pain and the thought of getting out of bed is too much because everything will hurt. But one day I just had to stop feeling sorry for myself and get the heck out of bed. I chose to put on a fancy top even though I wasn't going anywhere. I just couldn't stomach seeing myself in leggings and a baggy Tee anymore (not quite a pun but let's just say it is lol). I binge-watched a lot of TV series' and read some great books, which I'll share in a separate post.

To everyone living with an illness today, whether Crohn's Disease or not, you're not alone. It might feel like you are. Hell, it'll even feel like "no one understaaaaaands" what you're going through (yes I often said it just like that), but they do to a certain extent. Does that give you comfort? Probably not. But the point I'm getting at is you're only alone if you choose not to let people be there for you in whatever way they can. And if you're family and friends don't know what you're feeling, tell them. You don't have to share all the not-so-glamourous details, but tell them you'd appreciate their company so you don't feel so isolated when the horrible thoughts come. If they don't know how you feel, they won't always gather round you when you need it most.

That's all from me today guys, but don't let the illness keep you away from the good things in life.

 Stay strong and keep smiling x

I'm back!

Hey all!

It's been SUCH a long time since I've blogged and I've missed it so much!

A few weeks after my last post I started my new job (yay!) as a Copywriter for quite a big Bank, so you can imagine I've been crazy busy. I've now settled into my job and I love it more than I can say. As with most things though, stress plays a part in it and unfortunately for us with a "stress-related illness", your body begins to suffer just a tad (actually,way more than a "tad"). I suffered a minor setback and had a flare-up, so I was pretty much bed bound for about 8 weeks, and that was after catching the flare at the "early stages" :-|.

Seeing as it's my first post in a few months, I'm going to keep it brief for now, but I do have a LOT to talk about. A lot of my forthcoming posts will include things I've done over the summer, what helps me relax during flares, balancing work life with Crohn's and a little bit of this and that (probably a lot of actually) just to keep you entertained.

I intend to keep on blogging about Crohn's Disease until everyone and anyone will feel comfortable talking about it. If you've been diagnosed with it recently, or you've had it a while, continue to fight the good fight and live life to the max! Having an illness doesn't stop you from achieving your goals, it's just a little stumbling block that can be overcome in due course.

Wishing you all the best on this fine Sunday morning :-)

Keep smiling and stay absolutely fabulous!

Be Bold and Forget Crohn's

I'm sure you're all thinking, how on earth can I forget Crohn's? Is she for real? Yes I am. Obviously I know you can't forget the fact that you've got an inconvenient invisible illness - awesome alliteration Ha! I did it again - that gets in the way of everyday life. It knows exactly how to stop you in your tracks and not in a Knight-in-shining-armour type of way. (I admit, that would be pretty amazing).

So...how do you forget Crohn's? Quite easily, doll yourself up! Put on an outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks. It doesn't have to be the most expensive item you own, just make it look expensive so that you feel über confident. And if you aren't going anywhere, just put on a touch of makeup, it will bring out the best side of you. Or if the medication you're on gives you spots, it'll mask over them and keep you looking flawless.

I chose my Topshop Denim Shirt with my Heavy-Weight
Leggings & a Statement necklace.

There is a point to all of what I'm saying - stick with me. By playing dress up, you're drawing your attention away from feeling so rotten and sorry for yourself. I remember when I was admitted to hospital, I wore a tracksuit and put a dressing gown over it and walked like I had the world of my shoulders. My mum ordered me to go upstairs and change into something that makes me look like I belong somewhere. At the time I didn't see the big deal, but looking back I realised the way I carried myself was driving me further into depression. I didn't have a care in the world because I was unwell, in pain and felt miserable about everything. Living with an illness can do that to you, but sometimes you just have to force yourself to put on something other than track suit bottoms and a baggy tee - it's just not cute and won't make you feel it no matter how comfortable you are.

So we have Crohn's Disease...Do we have to look like our bodies are falling apart? Certainly not. You might get a few people saying, "you don't look sick at all". Don't get frustrated or upset, simply reply, "Thanks, that was the look I was going for". After all, why should we look the way we feel? Surely looking ill is going to make you feel even more terrible about yourself - especially when someone chooses to highlight it.

So if this illness malarky is stopping you from feeling like a happy person or the former you before the dreaded diagnosis, here's what you need to do. Stop looking at your old clothes and thinking how amazing they were, you'll fit into them again. Buy some Shapewear or Spanx, and then welcome aboard all things Jersey. It's totally forgiving on the hips tum and bum, and you won't feel like a balloon in a potato sack. Purchase some gorgeous makeup that will cover over those annoying stress spots or whatever side effect the medication brings. What you're doing is taking your mind off of Crohn's and being kind to yourself. It doesn't take the pain away, but don't you look good?!

So from me to you, be bold with your outfits and makeup and forget your illness. Dress to make you happy. Don't worry about the Jeans, maybe it's time you started wearing more dresses and skirts anyway. Don't tell me you're stomach or your bum is too big, you'll look great and the clothes will make you look amazing! Trick your body into recovery, and if it doesn't necessarily take the pain away - as I didn't imagine it would - at least you'll look gorgeous full stop!

Put on some makeup and tweet me your best looks (@smdee13)! I can't wait to see it :-)

Here's some of mine with my lovely sister:

This shirt was ironed, it just got creased because
I've been sitting down for the majority of the day - honest!

I'll do a separate post on what I used to create the look, but you MUST know that Revlon's Colorburst Matte Balm in Standout is literally my new staple lipstick. I chose red today simply because it's Valentine's Day and red lips look amazing.

I hope you've enjoyed reading and don't forget to keep smiling and stay fabulous lovelies.

Sam x

Be Positive

Yesterday was one of those days that had the potential to take me back to an extremely low place physically and psychologically. I had to leave work almost as soon as we opened so that I could get an emergency Doctor's appointment. I was experiencing the worst kind of stomach cramps; cramps so painful that stopped my speech mid-sentence. I’m used to just getting on with things, but this I couldn’t ignore, especially as I began to walk like a Penguin to try and ease the pain.

I couldn't quite pull off his moves

Surprisingly, I left my work place feeling calm while trying to be more Cara Delevingne, less Mumble (Happy Feet - penguin waddle). Normally I would've started to panic and run through every worst-case scenario it could possibly be. A flare up? Bowel Cancer? Will I need surgery to remove the diseased intestines? But I didn't this time; I simply decided to find out what was wrong. It's so easy to exacerbate every twinge we feel in our bodies because we're so used to bad news with Crohn's. Well let me tell you now, stop doing this, it's not healthy! We don't allow ourselves the chance to be told how it can be managed, we jump straight into "life is over" mode. If this is you right now, shake yourself - literally - and get a grip! *Shakes self*

Couldn't have said it better myself.

My Doctor confirmed that I'm not experiencing a flare up, it's simply a case of - forgive me for being so graphic - Piles (Haemorrhoids). (To find out more about them, if you dare, click here). I was still in the "are you sure that's all it is?" mode, and looking into my Doctor's eyes to see if she was trying to hide bad news from me. But it turns out, that's what it was. Although it wasn't amazing news, to me, it was good news despite the pain. At that point I realised that my relaxed attitude helped me get through it - well that and the fact that I didn't need an internal examination! (Not a nice experience but has to be done now and again).

So true!

Today is a better day, and although I'm still in pain, my mindset doesn't tell me it's the end of the world. Don't get me wrong, pain is awful and right now, Buscopan (IBS relief) is my best friend, but I won't allow myself to stay down, and I won't allow you to either. If you need to cry, go ahead, I do and did when it was necessary - and sometimes when it wasn't necessary - but if it helps, let it out. There's nothing wrong with crying, you usually feel better afterwards too. Just don't let it consume you and become the only thing you do.

LOL - Crohn's humour that keeps me smiling!

Why am I telling you about this? Because how you deal with bad news about your health - or anything else for that matter - today, tomorrow, or in the future determines how well you'll get through it all.  And no, crying doesn't mean you're weak and won't get through it, it just means you need to release some built up emotions. Perhaps Freud would call it the Weeping Cure? (I studied his work in Literature and Psychoanalysis, there's a name for everything). Freud might say that crying relieves the patient of "emotional sufferings". (Ok, I'll stop now - I clearly miss studying). But you see where I'm coming from, a certain amount of crying helps. The main thing is how you move forward.

See the funny side of things.

It's important not to over think a situation, let things happen without obsessing over what it may or may not turn out to be. I used to do that, and the only thing that came out of it was a guaranteed headache. I was feeling really rotten yesterday but told myself that I had to get out of bed and stop feeling sorry for myself, and it helped. I also put on Finding Nemo just so that I could hear Dory sing, "Just keep swimming". Call me childish, but I thought it was a great movie.

Just keep swimming!

I guess when all is said and done the only person that has the power to change your thoughts is you. Don't stay stuck in a rut, get up, get out and do something different. If you want or need help there are plenty of people waiting to help you, all you need to do is ask. I'm one of them too, I talk a lot, but my name actually means "listener" so I'm here whenever you need me. If not, there are lots of places you can get support, the IBD Community is massive. Things will get better one day, just be patient and learn to smile through the hard times and talk to someone about how you're feeling. You matter, your feelings matter and you are important.

I love you all so please remember to stay fabulous and keep smiling.

Sam xx