The Isolating Illness

I'm almost certain that everyone living with an illness feels isolated from everyone else at some stage, especially if you're the only one in your family or friendship circle with it. I often battle with this, sometimes on a daily basis, sometimes once in a blue moon, but it still happens even though I've had Crohn's now for about 7 years.

A few months ago I experience a "minor" flare-up, which had me off work for 8 weeks. It was pretty devastating, more so because I'd started my new job as a Copywriter a few months before. I felt awful to say the least. I'd go as far as saying I felt like a failure because I couldn't keep this invisible illness in check. But what I kept forgetting during those moments of beating myself up was that it wasn't the end of the road for me. Yes I had to take time off work in order to get better, but my job was still there. I also may have been on bed rest for what felt like 10 years, but what was I really missing out on? The commute to work? Seeing friends? Seeing family? Of which both friends and family rallied round me as much as they could so that I wasn't "alone".

It was a difficult time. It's always a difficult time when you're in constant pain and the thought of getting out of bed is too much because everything will hurt. But one day I just had to stop feeling sorry for myself and get the heck out of bed. I chose to put on a fancy top even though I wasn't going anywhere. I just couldn't stomach seeing myself in leggings and a baggy Tee anymore (not quite a pun but let's just say it is lol). I binge-watched a lot of TV series' and read some great books, which I'll share in a separate post.

To everyone living with an illness today, whether Crohn's Disease or not, you're not alone. It might feel like you are. Hell, it'll even feel like "no one understaaaaaands" what you're going through (yes I often said it just like that), but they do to a certain extent. Does that give you comfort? Probably not. But the point I'm getting at is you're only alone if you choose not to let people be there for you in whatever way they can. And if you're family and friends don't know what you're feeling, tell them. You don't have to share all the not-so-glamourous details, but tell them you'd appreciate their company so you don't feel so isolated when the horrible thoughts come. If they don't know how you feel, they won't always gather round you when you need it most.

That's all from me today guys, but don't let the illness keep you away from the good things in life.

 Stay strong and keep smiling x

I'm back!

Hey all!

It's been SUCH a long time since I've blogged and I've missed it so much!

A few weeks after my last post I started my new job (yay!) as a Copywriter for quite a big Bank, so you can imagine I've been crazy busy. I've now settled into my job and I love it more than I can say. As with most things though, stress plays a part in it and unfortunately for us with a "stress-related illness", your body begins to suffer just a tad (actually,way more than a "tad"). I suffered a minor setback and had a flare-up, so I was pretty much bed bound for about 8 weeks, and that was after catching the flare at the "early stages" :-|.

Seeing as it's my first post in a few months, I'm going to keep it brief for now, but I do have a LOT to talk about. A lot of my forthcoming posts will include things I've done over the summer, what helps me relax during flares, balancing work life with Crohn's and a little bit of this and that (probably a lot of actually) just to keep you entertained.

I intend to keep on blogging about Crohn's Disease until everyone and anyone will feel comfortable talking about it. If you've been diagnosed with it recently, or you've had it a while, continue to fight the good fight and live life to the max! Having an illness doesn't stop you from achieving your goals, it's just a little stumbling block that can be overcome in due course.

Wishing you all the best on this fine Sunday morning :-)

Keep smiling and stay absolutely fabulous!

Take Crohn's One Day at a Time

When I think about my journey with Crohn's Disease, I'm very much reminded of a chorus we used to sing in Primary School - just a few years back. It goes *clears throat*:

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
Thursday, Friday, Saturday too
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 days
Each day different 
And every day new

If I could describe to you how life with Crohn's Disease is, it would be the last two sentences. For me, those words apply when Crohn's is in remission and when I'm experiencing a flare - especially when I'm on Prednisolone, that bittersweet medicine - because each day brings something different. It's not always a negative though, some days I'm happy because I'll go to the toilet 3 times instead of 5. (That's a pretty big deal!) It could also be something as simple as my stomach deciding not to gurgle every time the room goes dead silent - I can't even remember how many times I've had to try and cough over that noise. It sounds like our current windy situation, but louder and extremely embarrassing!

However, now that Crohn's is in remission, I still have to be as cautious as anything, if not more so, because any little thing could trigger a flare. For instance, I know that eating certain foods have the ability to cause an explosion, so to speak, in the nether regions, so I simply stay away. (I do still have moments where I want to indulge in the "forbidden" foods, but it's not always worth it when you're stuck to the loo the next day). For instance, that delicious Burger you see, the one with the Sesame Seeds on - clearly I need to rethink how I take pictures if I ever want to show you the meat - was absolutely divine, but the Habanero jam (pretty much chillies) caused a bit of a disturbance the very next day.

Gourmet Burger Kitchen's Habanero with Sweet
Potato Fries - it was delicious but deadly

I'll admit I chose the burger at my own risk, I'm usually better at making my food choices, but that night I just wanted it and it was amazing even if it messed me up a tad. But what I suggest, that I'm sure you all know, is to keep a food diary and stick with it. Mine is more of a mental diary than a physical one because I've had Crohn's for a while now, but at least I know what sets me off and what keeps my insides relatively normal. It's a good idea in the long run though, you'll feel like you've got a portion of your life back simply because of the foods you choose to eat and drink.

No song is complete without it's ending, so I've decided to add it in for the fun of it - it pretty much sums up our British weather.

Wet days, dry days, bright days, cloudy days
Hot days, cold days, windy days too
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 days
Each day different
And every day new

So every time you feel like you can't take anymore, think of this simple children's song and remember that things will turn around eventually. It's not the immediate remedy we're all hoping for, but your symptoms will calm down over a period of time. It'll seem like forever, as it did for me, but there's light at the end of the tunnel and slowly but surely you'll make it through - one day at a time. Monitor what triggers your symptoms and do your best to avoid it at all times - unlike me with the Habanero Jam. *Epic fail*

Happy Sunday guys, remember to keep smiling and stay fabulous,

Sam xx

Be Bold and Forget Crohn's

I'm sure you're all thinking, how on earth can I forget Crohn's? Is she for real? Yes I am. Obviously I know you can't forget the fact that you've got an inconvenient invisible illness - awesome alliteration Ha! I did it again - that gets in the way of everyday life. It knows exactly how to stop you in your tracks and not in a Knight-in-shining-armour type of way. (I admit, that would be pretty amazing).

So...how do you forget Crohn's? Quite easily, doll yourself up! Put on an outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks. It doesn't have to be the most expensive item you own, just make it look expensive so that you feel über confident. And if you aren't going anywhere, just put on a touch of makeup, it will bring out the best side of you. Or if the medication you're on gives you spots, it'll mask over them and keep you looking flawless.

I chose my Topshop Denim Shirt with my Heavy-Weight
Leggings & a Statement necklace.

There is a point to all of what I'm saying - stick with me. By playing dress up, you're drawing your attention away from feeling so rotten and sorry for yourself. I remember when I was admitted to hospital, I wore a tracksuit and put a dressing gown over it and walked like I had the world of my shoulders. My mum ordered me to go upstairs and change into something that makes me look like I belong somewhere. At the time I didn't see the big deal, but looking back I realised the way I carried myself was driving me further into depression. I didn't have a care in the world because I was unwell, in pain and felt miserable about everything. Living with an illness can do that to you, but sometimes you just have to force yourself to put on something other than track suit bottoms and a baggy tee - it's just not cute and won't make you feel it no matter how comfortable you are.

So we have Crohn's Disease...Do we have to look like our bodies are falling apart? Certainly not. You might get a few people saying, "you don't look sick at all". Don't get frustrated or upset, simply reply, "Thanks, that was the look I was going for". After all, why should we look the way we feel? Surely looking ill is going to make you feel even more terrible about yourself - especially when someone chooses to highlight it.

So if this illness malarky is stopping you from feeling like a happy person or the former you before the dreaded diagnosis, here's what you need to do. Stop looking at your old clothes and thinking how amazing they were, you'll fit into them again. Buy some Shapewear or Spanx, and then welcome aboard all things Jersey. It's totally forgiving on the hips tum and bum, and you won't feel like a balloon in a potato sack. Purchase some gorgeous makeup that will cover over those annoying stress spots or whatever side effect the medication brings. What you're doing is taking your mind off of Crohn's and being kind to yourself. It doesn't take the pain away, but don't you look good?!

So from me to you, be bold with your outfits and makeup and forget your illness. Dress to make you happy. Don't worry about the Jeans, maybe it's time you started wearing more dresses and skirts anyway. Don't tell me you're stomach or your bum is too big, you'll look great and the clothes will make you look amazing! Trick your body into recovery, and if it doesn't necessarily take the pain away - as I didn't imagine it would - at least you'll look gorgeous full stop!

Put on some makeup and tweet me your best looks (@smdee13)! I can't wait to see it :-)

Here's some of mine with my lovely sister:

This shirt was ironed, it just got creased because
I've been sitting down for the majority of the day - honest!

I'll do a separate post on what I used to create the look, but you MUST know that Revlon's Colorburst Matte Balm in Standout is literally my new staple lipstick. I chose red today simply because it's Valentine's Day and red lips look amazing.

I hope you've enjoyed reading and don't forget to keep smiling and stay fabulous lovelies.

Sam x

Rock the Dress

It's definitely the season where looking good in "Christmas photos" is at the forefront of our minds, and what better way to talk about it in relation to dressing your temporary figure? Now I'm aware that not everyone is on corticosteroids that temporarily blow you up - and yes it is temporary, you will slim down again - but everyone goes through a phase where your body is being unruly and weight loss isn't happening quick enough. Don't stress out over it, you'll reach your goals in due time.

Everyone has an item (or 3) in their wardrobe that is their go-to outfit - mine were my Skinny Jeans. However, I got so bloated that I had to give them up for a while because they made me look bigger than I actually was. This can happen to anyone, but here's the cure...buy dresses that flatter your figure. "Why dresses?"...I'm glad you asked lovelies. Well, mainly because dresses don't have the tendency to cut you off like jeans do. There's no muffin top, or giving yourself third-degree burns because you have to tie the belt so tight. I'm telling you, dresses will rock your world! If you're worried that dresses won't suit you, they will, you just need to step out and own it. You're probably used to wearing Jeans or Trousers, but a dress is most definitely the answer to take you from feeling frumpy and lumpy to sassy and gorgeous!

To kickstart the party season, try these 3 key styles that'll keep you looking fabulous darling!

The Simple Shift

Shift Dresses suit most body shapes and sizes because their loose fitting design means it won't accentuate problem areas. Because of this, you won't have to shy away from prints or bold colours, be confident and try something different. I tend to find that some Shift Dresses fit better than others, in these instances, I tend to size up so that I feel comfortable. Pair with a Biker Jacket and boots for the day, and a blazer and heels for the evening. If you don't want to wear heels, wear some show-stopping flat shoes or boots - with tights, of course.

Navy Tapestry Shift Dress
Dorothy Perkins - £42

Black and White Shift Collar Dress
Dorothy Perkins - £18

Crepe Tee Shift Dress
Topshop - £45

The Sensational Skater

Skater Dresses are a personal favourite of mine because they pull you in at the waist and flare out to a full skirt. To emphasise a narrow waist, place a skinny belt at the narrowest point, but don't tie it too tight...remember, we're avoiding third-degree burns. You can't go wrong with a Skater dress, you'll feel and look feminine and classy whenever you put this on. Wear with an oversized cardigan, Chelsea or distressed boots for a casual relaxed day look, and glam it up with a cropped blazer (so that the hem of the jacket sits perfectly over the flared skirt) and courts or shoeboots for a night out.

Black Metallic Paisley Jacquard Skater Dress
New Look - £29.99

Ivory Lace top 2in1 Dress
Dorothy Perkins - £22

Grey Boucle Panel Skater Dress
River Island - £32

The Marvellous Midi

The Midi Dress is the perfect solution when you want to throw on something that is simple but elegant. Midi refers to the length of the dress, but I'll be showing bodycon dresses as I can't get enough of them this season - it's a style that looks great on everyone. They come in petite too, so no one should feel excluded when purchasing. For a casual day look, wear with any comfortable flats - I love wearing them with my vans and a biker jacket. By night, team with high heels, a blazer and a statement necklace.

AX Paris Burgundy Snakeskin Midi Dress
New Look - £25

Paisley Textured Midi Dress
Miss Selfridge - £35

Dark Red Necklace Trim Midi Dress
New Look - £22

A word of advice, and no I'm not crazy...Try the dresses on in the shop and glam yourself up beforehand. I'm guilty of going into shops when I feel and sometimes look a mess. Believe me, it can cloud your judgement regarding a particular outfit. By doing this, the outfit will instantly look better on you because you've made an effort. It's not always easy to visualise how well you'll look if your appearance says something different. (I can't be the only one out there that's guilty of this, can I?)

There are plenty of dresses out there that will help transform your mood as well as your image. Sometimes the right outfit is all you need to give your confidence a boost and take your mind off of weight problems and health issues. But keep this in mind, just because you may have piled on a few pounds doesn't mean your any less charming than when you were a little slimmer. Avoid wearing greys and blacks all the time and apologising for your larger frame to people who make comments about it. Work what you have and be the sassy, charming and beautiful person you always have been. Go on, swap your comfort pants for a beautiful dress and dazzle this season! 

Always remember to keep smiling and stay fabulous,
Sam xx

The Basics of Crohn's Disease

Seeing as it's National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week I decided to write a post that explains the basics of Crohn's Disease. It used to amaze me that people know so little about the illness, but in reality, I knew nothing of it until I was diagnosed and Googled like there was no tomorrow. Now I consider myself an expert in terms of being a patient. If you've never heard of it before, brace yourself!

For some reason I'm usually always asked, "What is Crohn's Disease?" over dinner or at a gathering, and in both settings the same effect takes place. *Cue silence* *all eyes on me* *sweaty palms and upper lip* Fortunately I've never been asked this over dessert, it would bring a whole new meaning to Chocolate Dessert wouldn't it? (The Chocolate/Poo Pie scene in "The Help" (2011) comes to mind). I'm probably still one of the most squeamish people I know, but educating you in this forum is so much easier than trying to explain it face-to-face. So to stop the awkward dinner questions, here goes...

Crohn's Disease - What is it anyway?

Quite simply CD is a chronic (long-term) condition that causes swelling to the lining of the digestive system - that's anywhere from the mouth to the back passage. It can affect people of all ages, including children, but research suggests that most cases develop between the ages of 16-30. (I started experiencing symptoms at 16 years old). 

A large percentage of cases find that swelling mainly occurs in the last section of the small intestine (ileum) or the large intestine (colon). If you're wondering where it affects...so am I. Only joking, mine's in the colon.

When the intestine becomes inflamed, the most common symptoms that can occur are:

• Diarrhoea 
• Blood and mucus in your stools (poo)
• Abdominal cramps - not the same as Period Pains at all
• Fatigue
• Weight loss

How did you get it?

In most patients, the exact cause of CD is unknown, so I can never really answer this question. However researchers believe it is a combination of a few factors, but again, their suggestions can be problematic. See here for some of the causes.

Treatment

At present there is no cure for CD, but symptoms can be improved through treatment. This is usually in the form of Corticosteroids to reduce inflammation. (Yes these are the Steroids that fuelled my weight gain *straight face*) They also prescribe medication to suppress the immune system so that the intestines stop attacking itself. Because of this, the Flu Jab is usually recommended during this time as you're prone to getting "ill" quicker. That's right, the treatment causes more illnesses - welcome to my reality. Also, regular blood tests must be done to monitor the white blood cell count.

It can take a long time before we're completely symptom free, but when we are, this is known as being in remission. However, that doesn't mean the symptoms won't flare up and become difficult to manage again. For a full list possible treatments, see the NHS Website.

In severe cases, some CD patients undergo surgery to remove the inflamed part of the diseased intestine and stitching the healthy sections back together. This is called a resection. Others undergo a procedure called an ileostomy, which redirects the digestive waste from the inflamed colon allowing it to heal. For more information on this procedure, read the NHS' introduction to the Ileostomy.

What's next then?

The Gastroenterologist - man I feel so smart typing that without error - or the gut specialist as I like to call them, will advise on the numerous options available. For every CD survivor, our main goal is maintaining remission. That means we want to live each day without being forced to take what feels like 101 tablets that leave an awful after taste. However, this doesn't mean we come off medication entirely. Some patients may choose to use natural products to help them, but as I've stressed before, no two cases are the same so that might not work for everyone. Either way, whatever path chosen, the patient will need to attend regular follow-up appointments. (Note to self, get blood test form and actually get the test done).

Another way to maintain remission is through diet as some foods can aggravate the intestines. For me, too much Fruit, Veg and Whole Grains have me stuck to the loo. I actually like fruit and veg so it's a bit annoying, but I figured out a way to eat them without upsetting my stomach. I kept a food diary and worked out which items were fine and the ones to avoid like the plague (Cabbage and Pineapples are the worst).

Finally, it is important not to get stressed as symptoms tend to worsen when a patient is under stress. You know what that means? Everyone *clears throat* back off...please because "I'm too blessed to be stressed." (I asked nicely!) Stress takes us back to the flare up stage and the treatment cycle begins again, just help us out by being nice. I understand everyone will face stress in life, but you have to find ways to eliminate stress so that it doesn't take it's toll on your body. Low intensity workouts like swimming or walking definitely helps, as does *cough* retail therapy - you're still walking aren't you? 

So for everyone who wasn't familiar with the weird and wonderful disease - cannot believe I just said that - I hope this gives more of an insight into what us Crohnies go through. Now when someone mentions they have it, or know someone with it, you won't need to ask them what it entails, you already know. It was much easier sharing it on here than I thought actually. Maybe I'm becoming less squeamish *checks mirror* Nope, I'm still blushing...never mind.

Please share to help raise awareness of Crohn's disease and always remember to stay fabulous and keep smiling.

Sam. xx

Be Positive

Yesterday was one of those days that had the potential to take me back to an extremely low place physically and psychologically. I had to leave work almost as soon as we opened so that I could get an emergency Doctor's appointment. I was experiencing the worst kind of stomach cramps; cramps so painful that stopped my speech mid-sentence. I’m used to just getting on with things, but this I couldn’t ignore, especially as I began to walk like a Penguin to try and ease the pain.

I couldn't quite pull off his moves

Surprisingly, I left my work place feeling calm while trying to be more Cara Delevingne, less Mumble (Happy Feet - penguin waddle). Normally I would've started to panic and run through every worst-case scenario it could possibly be. A flare up? Bowel Cancer? Will I need surgery to remove the diseased intestines? But I didn't this time; I simply decided to find out what was wrong. It's so easy to exacerbate every twinge we feel in our bodies because we're so used to bad news with Crohn's. Well let me tell you now, stop doing this, it's not healthy! We don't allow ourselves the chance to be told how it can be managed, we jump straight into "life is over" mode. If this is you right now, shake yourself - literally - and get a grip! *Shakes self*

Couldn't have said it better myself.

My Doctor confirmed that I'm not experiencing a flare up, it's simply a case of - forgive me for being so graphic - Piles (Haemorrhoids). (To find out more about them, if you dare, click here). I was still in the "are you sure that's all it is?" mode, and looking into my Doctor's eyes to see if she was trying to hide bad news from me. But it turns out, that's what it was. Although it wasn't amazing news, to me, it was good news despite the pain. At that point I realised that my relaxed attitude helped me get through it - well that and the fact that I didn't need an internal examination! (Not a nice experience but has to be done now and again).

So true!

Today is a better day, and although I'm still in pain, my mindset doesn't tell me it's the end of the world. Don't get me wrong, pain is awful and right now, Buscopan (IBS relief) is my best friend, but I won't allow myself to stay down, and I won't allow you to either. If you need to cry, go ahead, I do and did when it was necessary - and sometimes when it wasn't necessary - but if it helps, let it out. There's nothing wrong with crying, you usually feel better afterwards too. Just don't let it consume you and become the only thing you do.

LOL - Crohn's humour that keeps me smiling!

Why am I telling you about this? Because how you deal with bad news about your health - or anything else for that matter - today, tomorrow, or in the future determines how well you'll get through it all.  And no, crying doesn't mean you're weak and won't get through it, it just means you need to release some built up emotions. Perhaps Freud would call it the Weeping Cure? (I studied his work in Literature and Psychoanalysis, there's a name for everything). Freud might say that crying relieves the patient of "emotional sufferings". (Ok, I'll stop now - I clearly miss studying). But you see where I'm coming from, a certain amount of crying helps. The main thing is how you move forward.

See the funny side of things.

It's important not to over think a situation, let things happen without obsessing over what it may or may not turn out to be. I used to do that, and the only thing that came out of it was a guaranteed headache. I was feeling really rotten yesterday but told myself that I had to get out of bed and stop feeling sorry for myself, and it helped. I also put on Finding Nemo just so that I could hear Dory sing, "Just keep swimming". Call me childish, but I thought it was a great movie.

Just keep swimming!

I guess when all is said and done the only person that has the power to change your thoughts is you. Don't stay stuck in a rut, get up, get out and do something different. If you want or need help there are plenty of people waiting to help you, all you need to do is ask. I'm one of them too, I talk a lot, but my name actually means "listener" so I'm here whenever you need me. If not, there are lots of places you can get support, the IBD Community is massive. Things will get better one day, just be patient and learn to smile through the hard times and talk to someone about how you're feeling. You matter, your feelings matter and you are important.

I love you all so please remember to stay fabulous and keep smiling.

Sam xx